Your First Family Court Hearing: What To Expect and How a McKenzie Friend Helps

Your first family court hearing can feel daunting. You may be worried about what to say, what to wear, who will be there, and how the day will run. You are not alone. With some clear preparation and calm support, you can get through the First Hearing Dispute Resolution Appointment, often called the FHDRA or first directions hearing, with confidence and a clear plan for next steps.

What the first hearing is for and how long it takes

The FHDRA is a short, focused hearing that sets the direction of your case. The court checks safeguarding information, explores whether agreement is possible, and decides the next steps. It is not usually where final decisions are made. Most FHDRA hearings last between 15 and 45 minutes, but you may be at court for several hours due to listing times and waiting for reports or rooms to be available.

Common agenda points:

Confirm your details and what orders you are seeking.
Note any safeguarding concerns in the CAFCASS section 16A letter.
Explore agreement, including interim arrangements for children if appropriate.
Decide on directions, such as statements, drug or alcohol testing where relevant, SPIP or other courses, and a CAFCASS section 7 report if needed.
Set a timetable for the next hearing, such as a Dispute Resolution Appointment or a fact-finding hearing.

Common outcomes:

Interim child arrangements to provide stability while evidence is gathered.
Orders for statements and evidence, with clear dates.
A CAFCASS report to assess the child’s welfare.
A review date or listing for future hearing stages.

Who will be in the room?

Judge or Magistrates: Either a District Judge or a bench of three Magistrates. If Magistrates hear your case, a Legal Adviser is also present to guide the law.
Legal Adviser: Supports Magistrates on legal process and helps record the order.
CAFCASS Officer: Focuses on the child’s welfare and safeguarding. You may have a brief pre hearing chat with them.
You and the other party: You may be together in court or in separate waiting areas or on a remote platform, depending on arrangements and any safety concerns.
Your supporter: You can ask the court for permission to have a McKenzie Friend sit with you to quietly assist.

Can you have a McKenzie Friend and can a judge refuse?

Yes. You can have a McKenzie Friend in family court. The court usually allows a quiet supporter to help you take notes, organise paperwork, and offer private guidance. A judge can refuse a McKenzie Friend in rare circumstances, for example if the supporter disrupts proceedings, breaches confidentiality, or has a conflict that could affect fairness. We help you make a short, respectful request at the start so permission is clear.

What a McKenzie Friend does before, during, and after

Before the hearing:

Clarify your aims and priorities.
Organise your papers and evidence into a simple bundle or hearing file.
Prepare your position statement and a short list of key points.
Draft questions for CAFCASS and a brief agenda.
Rehearse how you will present your position in a calm, concise way.

During the hearing:

Sit beside you with the court’s permission.
Take notes of everything said and every direction made.
Quietly prompt you with written notes, help you find documents quickly, and keep you focused on the key issues.
Help you speak at the right time and answer questions clearly.

After the hearing:

Go through the order with you line by line.
Capture deadlines, what to file, and when.
Set a simple plan for evidence, statements, and preparation for the next hearing.

If you prefer flexible support without retainers, you can use Pay As You Go Hourly Support at £90 for senior help or £50 for junior help, plus half day or full day options for remote or in person hearings. You can also explore court-specific options like our Remote Court Support or In Person Court Support for more structured assistance on the day.

What will help you in court?

Preparation: A clear position statement and organised documents.
Focus: Speak to the child’s best interests and practical arrangements.
Clarity: Short answers, simple language, and a calm tone.
Notes: Use prompts so you do not forget key points.
Boundaries: Avoid arguing with the other party. Address the judge, not your ex partner.

If you want expert help to prepare and stay on track, see our court day options under court support services.

Practical Prep Checklist

Documents and bundle basics:

Application forms and any previous orders.
CAFCASS safeguarding letter if available.
Position statement, dated and paginated.
Key messages or timeline of events.
Evidence you rely on at this stage, kept concise and relevant.

On bundle format:

Title page, contents list, and numbered pages.
Sections for applications, orders, statements, and exhibits.
Two copies on the day, plus a digital version if the hearing is remote.

Questions for CAFCASS:

What does the safeguarding information say about risk and next steps?
Are interim arrangements suitable for the child now?
Do they recommend a section 7 report and what issues should it cover?

Court etiquette and what to wear:

Clothing: Smart, comfortable, neutral colours. No sportswear or flashy slogans. A shirt or blouse, trousers or a simple dress is fine. Shoes closed and tidy.
Etiquette: Arrive early. Switch off your phone. Do not interrupt. Address the judge as Sir or Madam, or Your Honour if a Circuit Judge. Stay polite even if you disagree. Keep your answers short and factual.

What NOT to say to the Judge

Do not make personal attacks. Focus on behaviour, impact on the child, and evidence.
Avoid exaggeration or absolute claims you cannot prove.
Do not bring up every historic grievance. Stick to what helps the court decide safe and child focused arrangements now.
Do not refuse reasonable interim contact without clear safeguarding reasons. If you have concerns, explain them and propose safe alternatives.

Better phrasing looks like this:

Instead of, ‘He never sticks to times,’ try, ‘There have been three late collections in the last month, which disrupted school. I propose a 6pm handover to reduce this problem.’
Instead of, ‘She is controlling,’ try, ‘Communication has been difficult. I suggest all contact arrangements go through a parenting app to reduce conflict.’

Can someone come with you to family court and who supports you there?

You can bring a quiet supporter. With the court’s permission, that supporter can be a McKenzie Friend who sits with you and helps you stay calm and organised. In court, the judge or magistrates manage the hearing, the Legal Adviser records the order and gives process guidance, and the CAFCASS Officer focuses on the child’s welfare. Your McKenzie Friend supports you, not the court; they keep you focused and help you present your case clearly.

If you need structured, affordable help on the day, consider:

Pay As You Go Hourly Support, £90 for senior or £50 for junior.
Remote Court Support, half or full day.
In Person Court Support, half or full day.

Day of Hearing Flow

Arrive 45 to 60 minutes early for security, reception, and any CAFCASS chat.
Read the door lists and check in with the usher.
Meet your McKenzie Friend and go over your key points.
If appropriate, a short pre hearing discussion may happen to narrow issues.
Go into the courtroom when called, present your position calmly, and note directions.
After the hearing, wait for the sealed order and confirm every deadline.

Gentle Next Steps and How We Can Help

If you want a calm plan and a steady voice in your corner, we can help you prepare, keep your paperwork in order, and stay focused at each step. You can learn more about how a McKenzie Friend works and, when you are ready, you can book a mckenzie friend for hearing day or preparation sessions. If you need help to prepare court papers, we can help you prepare court bundle so the judge, CAFCASS, and the other party can follow your evidence easily. If you expect a long day or remote listing, our remote court support can keep you organised and confident from start to finish.

Summary

Your first family court hearing sets the roadmap, it is not the final word. Know who will be in the room, arrive early, dress smart but comfortable, and keep your points clear and child focused. A McKenzie Friend can help you organise paperwork, take notes, quietly advise you, and keep you calm before, during, and after the hearing. With practical preparation and supportive guidance, you can feel ready, heard, and in control of your next steps.